This quote comes from her brilliant discussion with bell hooks on how people tried to shape her response to poor shaming that occurred on her show as her being irrationally angry and as some personality facet, when it was simply a legitimate response to a very disgusting problem of classism and racism in America. And this uniquely happens to Black women based on long held stereotypes and controlling images about Black womanhood, shaped by misogynoir.
Only thing more frustrating that blatantly anti-Black misogynist Black men are those who ‘love us’ so much they ignore our lived experience. ‘I love Black women with all my heart and so do my friends, so you must be exaggerating, immersed in the brainwashed exception.’ Fuck that dude. Your love is worthless if you can’t respect Black women enough to care that so many are regularly attacked/bullied/trolled by YOUR PEERS. ‘I love y’all! I don’t know what you’re talking about.’ Perhaps you don’t because you’re too busy singing your own praises to find out. ‘My mom/daughter/partner are everything. God is a Black woman.’ Then concern yourself with men who delight in degrading us. Don’t fact check me.
It must be nice to exist in an alternate universe devoid of anti-Black misogyny. But most women with Black features are here in the real world. I don’t need to be your Queen or Sistah. I don’t care if you worship a God with nappy hair and nose wide like mine if my lived experience < your opinion.
It’s not enjoyable to recount/recall the fact that men, who have little girls that look like me, think I’m dirt on the bottom of their shoe. The last thing I want or need to do with my free time is fabricate verbal abuse from Black men AND all other groups. It happens. End of story.
She spoke a WORD here. A WORD! I seriously stand in a tug of war position between these two types of Black men. One directly attacks me and harms me in almost unspeakable ways. The other runs in but not to defend me, call the former one out or even to talk about how Black men’s misogynoir oppresses Black women. Nope. He arrives right on time to say "not ‘all’ Black men harm" even as one is actively harming me. He also arrives to gaslight me, claim I don’t support Black men and claim he loves Black women despite our “betrayal.” Basically, my lived experiences are ignored.
So yes, she spoke a word!
Back to writing
back to procrastinating.
My Room very badly needs to be cleaned/organized but instead here I am trying to think up goals for the rest of 2013 and into 2014 which will no doubt include getting my room organized.
I can already tell that this next year will be an incredibly important year for myself.
It will be 10 years after I graduated high school
10 years after I started University
It will be the year that one of my best friends in the whole wide world gets married
The year that I’m sure many of my close friends will decide to take the next step in their respective relationships and move on to new things.
And it leaves me thinking about what 2014 could potentially mean for me.
I love my job and see no changes I would make professionally but I would love to see some personal changes made for myself.
These include getting back on the photography trail. I love photography and the last year I really haven’t spent a lot of time doing any photography outside of instagramophy which really, REALLY doesn’t count. Call it laziness, maybe I just don’t have the time but it needs to stop.
In that same vein, I need to get back into web design and graphic design. After getting too busy at work, I stopped going to school for web design which was alright because I have a job I love but I really need to stay current and if anything, actually get my website back up and running. Hopefully will have some new photography to put on this new site.
Money…money money. I work so much but it seems that it all disappears far too soon. I need to work on actually saving and keeping track of my expenses. I want to take fun trips but aside from my work schedule stopping me, I usually also deal with working with a budget that may be lower than some friends. So lets work on this
Weight/Fitness. This is my freaking cross to bear at all times.
A few years back, I lost about 40 pounds and felt great. I still had some weight to lose but I really just loved how I looked, how I felt and as superficial as it sounds, the attention that I got from men. This was done in a time where I was very busy with school and work but really, could have cared less about my temp job, I did care about my other part time jobs but because those jobs were more flexible, this allowed a lot of time for me to be at home with my water, tv/computer and other various distractions instead of distractions/stress that would cause some mindless eating.
In the time since, I’ve packed back some of the weight back on and actually went up to my second highest weight ever. I can attribute this to stress along with my diet of takeaway food, alcohol intake, and snacks. I work out, but when I come home with another meal from a night with friends out and a crazy brunch the next day, I can not be surprised about weight getting packed on. I also can’t be suprised if whenever I’m stressed out at work, it causes me to eat
I need to stop this.
Like I mentioned before, 2014 will be a big year for myself.
If I am part of my friends wedding, I don’t want to be the fat bridesmaid.
If there is a 10 year reunion for high school, I don’t want to look like the same person that left (well weightwise…if I still look 18 then I would be cool with that ;-) )
I’m sick of being ignored by the opposite gender. No matter what men say, weight is a factor that they do keep in mind when even approaching women to talk to or deciding if they will call back since they could find someone “hotter”. I’m an awesome person but so many times, I’ve focused on my looks/weight in believing I can do something. Too many times. I want to gain the confidence in myself and to force people to pay attention to me and I think that losing some weight will help. Even better, I hope to be in better physical shape so that I can just keep up with everyone around me.
2012-2013 have been good rebuilding years.
2014 I’m taking back control.
Watch out people. I’m going to be awesome
Also I will clean my room.